The POWER of Knowing Yourself


Knowing yourself is the first step in our 9 step process to upgrade your relationships. I like to tell my clients an updated version of the serenity prayer that goes like, “God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the people I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me”. Get to know who you are first, the needs you desire, what you value most. When you communicate, are you able to see the world from their eyes? It’s not a natural thing for humans to do. There’s a case study where children are given a box with red painted on one side and green on the other. The conductor places the red side facing the child and asks what they see. The child says red. The man proceeds to ask what the child thinks he sees, but they mostly respond with red instead of green. The child doesn’t understand that others see differently than they do.

We need to develop the skill of understanding others, which starts with knowing yourself. The first 3 stages of growth have to do with you, and as you grow and find your identity in different social groups, you’ll become highly evolved and see the world through love and acceptance. It’s important to consistently ask yourself things like, what do I value most in life? Where am I on the scale from 1-10 in terms of self-development? If you ask a child what they value most, they might say video games, and teens might say their friends are most important, but as you get older you mature and look for peace and love.

In order to step into the world of an angry person, ask yourself what’s going on in their life to bring them to this point. What’s in their mind and life to make them behave so angrily? If their mom had just died, would you still be mad at them? This line of thinking takes the focus off of them and onto you. Every human behavior is motivated either by love or in need for love, but usually in need for love. Turn the door inward as opposed to outward, be aware of your own judgments and desires rather than blaming your problems externally.

Notice how you react to people, study yourself, why are you charged by this person? Is it them that’s angry or is it you? Learn to know thyself, love thyself, and express thyself. We’ve had a podcast recently on journaling, and something to practice is writing your stream of consciousness, meaning write everything that comes to mind without a filter, and then analyze your thought patterns. Figure out what’s ruining or elevating your life. Be aware of the situation you’re in and question it to find the deeper meaning behind everything you think and do.

Another practice is to take a piece of paper and grade each area of your life from 1-10, and figure out what you can do to raise the score. These areas include physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, leisure, and relationships. Moreover, a daily ritual is to look at one thing you appreciate from that day and practice gratitude towards it, which inevitably puts things into perspective and helps you see the bigger picture. Look at the good and bad side since there’s duality in everything. Focus on the assets you have access to, and you’ll realize how many things you’ve been taking for granted. Imagine for a second that everything one by one was taken from you; your family is gone, you have cancer, your job is gone, your friends are gone, everything. You then wake up from this nightmare and realize you still have everything, wouldn’t that change your perspective?

Shift your thinking from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. You can look at your life in a state of inspiration or desperation, and both push you to move. Take a careful inventory of your life; if you have a treasure map but you don’t know where you are on the map, you won’t find the treasure, so know where you are now to learn where you need to go, and you can share this with others and get feedback on your progress. Self-development ends up being a difficult process for most people as they learn things about themselves that they didn’t want to know. Meditation often uncovers a lot of dark things you’ve disassociated from, so it’s not always a pretty process. It’s like taking a magnifying glass to your life, you’re bound to find flaws.

Although today’s lesson is about knowing thyself, the majority of the other 9 steps also have to do with knowing who you are, since you need to know your love language, your speech patterns, your rules, behaviors, and so on. Having a deep connection with yourself makes it easier to have deep connections with others, since that’s the level from which you will operate. I wrote a book called You 2.0, and the first chapter is about claiming your power. You have access to powers you’re not even aware of, which you can discover by diving deep into your character.

The first step is always self-awareness; you can’t fix a problem that you don’t know exists. If you don’t examine your past, where will you find the motivation to do things right? Wayne Dyer asks his patients who’s responsible for all of their problems. They sometimes reply with their mom, to which he responds with, “bring your mom in and I’ll fix her, which should help you right?” No. In fact waiting for someone else to change sounds like a ridiculous way to solve your problems. Work on yourself. Self work is often the hard work, but for real change to occur, you need to work harder on yourself than you do at your job, and you’ll reap the benefits for the rest of your life. I know this is a lot of information to take in at once, but take one lesson from this and implement it on a regular basis. Small steps really do yield big results.

To your continued evolution, live it up with POWER, PURPOSE & PASSION!


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Anthony Cheam

Speaker/Author/Life Coach/Personal Trainer


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