9 Steps to Improving Your Relationships
FULL PODCAST EPISODE 015
Today’s podcast is an overview of the 9 steps needed to improve your relationships, so over the next 9 days we’ll expand on each of the steps to give you clearer guidance. Relationships are an area people don’t appreciate and expand on. It’s like family, you expect them to always be there, but you don’t put in the work to continuously update your connection. Make deposits in your relationship account, as it’ll improve every other area of your life.
Upgrade 1 is to know thyself.
Open the door in your heart and examine the good, the bad, and they ugly. What drives you? What guides you? What do you value the most? What are you attracted to? What are you repelled from? The more you know yourself the more you know others, which gives life a whole new meaning. It’s like wearing foggy glasses, and as you learn more about yourself you clean the glasses a little bit at a time, making it easier to see those around you. For things to change, you must change, so stop blaming everyone else, stop focusing on external factors and dive deep into your soul. But don’t blame yourself either, just take responsibility for your actions and move on. Journaling can help with this process as we mentioned in a previous podcast. Fix yourself and your world falls into place, your perspective changes. As Gandhi says, be the change you wish to see in the world.
Upgrade 2 is learning love languages.
The 5 Love Languages is a book written by Gary Chapman about the languages in which you give and receive love. We see the world through our own rule book, so it’s beneficial to know what your language is in order to know what you need to feel loved. Then once you know yourself you learn the love language of others, and you speak their language. You’ll massively improve your relationships if you love people they way they need to be loved, whether that’s through your words, actions, commitments, or whatever else they need.
Upgrade 3 is about personality types.
You can take personality tests like Myers Briggs or Hexaco, but I want you to dive deeper and truly understand who you are as a person. Are you introverted or extroverted? What drives you? What drives others around you? Learn about yourself first and then understand others.
Upgrade 4 is learning emotional mastery, intelligence, and strength.
You can be book smart, but emotional intelligence is what gives you fulfillment in life. Most people give away their emotional power and let others dictate how they feel. Having emotional strength has to do with the amount of vigor and passion you bring into your relationships. Are you showing up as emotional baggage or strength? Either way the emotions you bring into your relationships are your responsibility. Start with emotional awareness, know thyself. Sit with yourself without stimulating your brain, and dive deep into your brain and heart.
Upgrade 5 is understanding masculine and feminine energies.
In order for there to be electricity and charge, there needs to be positive and negative energy. You need north and south poles for magnetism, just as you need feminine and masculine energy for deep sexual attraction to occur. This isn’t about men versus women, because you can be a feminine man with a masculine women, there just needs to be that polarity for there to be a spark. What energy do you operate more from? learn how it helps and hurts you.
Upgrade 6 is the power of your words.
Don’t let flowers do all your talking, giving flowers is one thing, but flowers die. It’s the little card that you add in with the personal message that makes the difference. Words sink deep into the soul, especially for a feminine woman. Your choice of words, the emphasis, the pauses, and how you speak has massive impact on how you make people feel. We’ll teach you how to expand your vocabulary in the upcoming podcasts so that you can be more effective when you speak. There are some people don’t use words at all, they expect others to know what they think and feel, which leads to assumptions and arguments.
Upgrade 7 is knowing the rules of the game.
Others have different rules than you, so make sure to accommodate and play fair. I often ask my clients questions like, “what does it take for you to feel like it’s Christmas?” If they say something like wanting everyone to spend time together, then I know that they prioritize the people in their life. Their responses gives me clues as to how they operate and what they like, and I can use this information to understand them better. Know what rule book governs your life, then learn the rule books of others, and adhere to their rules in order to create harmony.
Upgrade 8 is seeking to understand.
Once you know yourself you begin to understand others, and then they begin to understand you. Once they feel that you understand them, they feel more loved, and in return will show you more love. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Once you understand and implement these 8 steps, you move onto upgrade 9.
Upgrade 9 is continual progress and improvement.
This is the last step, which is all about the continuation and improvement of the above steps. It’s one thing to do these upgrades, but if you can’t maintain your relationships then they will begin to downfall again. Relationships need constant work, but that doesn’t mean the work can’t be fun. You want to keep things fresh and passionate, you don’t want to feel stuck with someone.
We’ll give you the tools you need to have meaningful relationships, but it’s your responsibility to use these tools effectively. The goal isn’t perfection, as there is no perfect relationship, but continuously deepening your connection with people will be more than worth the effort. I’m so passionate about helping you accomplish your goals, and I can’t wait to hear your progress stories.
To your continued evolution, live it up with POWER, PURPOSE & PASSION!
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