The POWER of Relationships
FULL PODCAST EPISODE 012
If you want to build a legacy that’s strong and long, it’ll live in and through the relationships you’ve built. There’s this saying that you should be nice to the people on the way up since you’ll meet them on the way down. People won’t remember what you do or say, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. The more people can trust you the more they’ll follow you.
You don’t go into a relationship to get, you go into it to give. I tell my clients that the best way to make friends is to be one. BE a friend. Don’t go looking for friends, serve people first and you’ll have an abundance of friends. Nurture your relationships daily, and remind people that you love them. Just text someone you love and they’ll get excited that someone was thinking about them. We all want to feel important.
There’s this great book by Gary Chapman called 5 Love Languages, and in the book it tells you to learn to speak other people’s love language. There are 3 main languages; gift giving, acts of service, and quality of time. We typically use our own language to share love, but we need to love people in the language they speak and understand. People want to feel loved based on how they see the world. For example, I often tell my wife I love her, but her language of love is quality of time, so in order for her to feel truly loved I need to spend more quality time with her. We assume others know how we want love, but we can’t get there without communicating how we feel. Know the rule books of the people around you. Let’s say you’re at a Christmas party, try asking someone what it would take for them to feel like it’s Christmas. Understand their needs and meet it, and you’ll gain truly deep connections with people.
If someone in front of you has a heart attack would you focus on your anxiety or help them? I can bet you’re most likely to get over your fear and try to help. The lesson is not to make things about you. Ask the who what where when why how. There’s this story of a woman who had dinner with 2 powerful people. After the first dinner she was asked how she felt about him, and she responded by saying that man is now the smartest person she knows. After the second dinner she was once again asked how she felt. She said she now believes that she herself is the smartest person she knows. Who do you think she likes more? The second person. This is because the second guy asked her meaningful questions and got to know her, he made her feel special, and once again let me remind you that people remember you based on how you make them feel. People don’t care what you know until they know you care.
Try playing this game called Taboo with your friends. Nothing in this game is taboo, so ask your friend any meaningful question you want. If they’re uncomfortable with the question they can say pass, and you keep asking them questions until they answer one. Once they’ve answered it’s their turn to ask you a question. You won’t believe how much fun it is to just have a deep conversation with someone and get to know them. The anxiety will just dissipate if you’re honest and genuine. Get good at asking quality questions and others will see you as an amazing friend.
If you’re not the greatest at talking to people, find something you like about them and bring it up in conversation. They’ll get emotionally charged and associate you with that charge, they’ll remember that good feeling that you gave them. Remember, there’s no greater gift than to be fully present with someone. LISTEN, as this is the key to being a persuasive conversationalist. Give them your heart, mind, and ear, and you will be known as a legendary person. If you want more resources you can read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, as well as the 5 Love Languages mentioned earlier. There’s this great quote that says those who study others are wise, and those who study themselves are enlightened. Learn who you are first and understanding others will become much simpler.
To your continued evolution, live it up with POWER, PURPOSE & PASSION!
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